Pre-marital (pre-commitment) counselling

hands displaying wedding rings

'Pre-commitment counselling can help couples to understand the basis for a strong relationship and the inevitable stages that it will go through as it matures.'

When a couple decides that they have found their ‘soul mate,’ or their ideal partner with whom to share the rest of their lives, counselling is rarely the first thing that they consider. So why would someone chose to take this step?Marriage and all other permanent relationship pairings have changed as people’s expectations and aspirations have also changed along with the revolution in social structures, over the last few generations. It has now become a ‘throw-away’ world where things that no longer work are quickly discarded and this includes marriage.

Surprisingly, many people assume that marriage will be capable of dealing with the inevitable problems that arise despite the comparative ease of separation and divorce. Women, in particular, are now rarely dependant upon a partner to completely financially support them and there are many exterior support agencies available in comparison to, say, the 1950s.

Another contributing factor to the breakdown of permanent relationships, is the emphasis on the ‘individual’, in today’s society. There are many courses run and self help books offered, to help the individual ‘find’ themselves. Learning to live as a couple or as a family unit has perhaps, become less of a priority.

Why do people choose to get married/ commit to a permanent relationship? Sometimes it is for the wrong reasons and they may not be always consciously be aware of them. Pre-marital counselling can help couples to look at the underlying reasons for their desire to marry.

Here are some of the negative reasons for marriage:

  • Low self esteem which is boosted by someone having chosen you as special
  • Loneliness
  • Sexual frustration
  • Financial problems
  • A desire to escape from an unhappy situation
  • Pregnancy
  • Boredom
  • Sharing a common problem/ serious life experience
  • Family pressure
  • A fear of being single after previously being married
  • Fear of losing a ‘good catch’
  • The idea that the partner is pliable, can be changed after marriage

Pre-marital/ pre-commitment counselling explores the reasons why couples have decided to commit to a permanent relationship and the depth of knowledge that they share about each other’s ambitions, hopes and fears. It asks whether they have discussed relevant topics that will affect their future together, such as:

  • Children – when, how many, who will be the primary carer
  • Finances – managed jointly or to be kept separate
  • Saving for a home and /or holidays
  • Dealing with conflict – how does each family of origin ‘do’ conflict
  • Career plans for both partners
  • Religious/spiritual beliefs
  • Education for selves and children
  • Common values in behaviour, lifestyles
  • Common interests and hobbies
  • Political views
  • Common goals, both short and long term
  • Sexual compatibility
  • How to deal with the in-laws, previous partners or children from previous relationships


Marriage is something that has to be constantly worked at to stay fresh, healthy and alive. Being ‘in love’, is not enough if you don’t also relate to and respect each other. Marriage is also dynamic – forever changing in ways that could be positive or negative. Pre-commitment counselling can help couples to understand the base for a strong relationship and the inevitable stages that it will go through as it matures.

Here’s a pre-relationship quiz which might be interesting to you.

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Coronavirus (COVID-19) Update

The Federal Health Minister, Greg Hunt, has advised that “ALL allied health businesses nationally can continue working and are encouraged to do”. He has encouraged providers to continue vital face-to-face services where possible.

These are challenging times for everyone, but your personal and relationship issues continue to need assistance. My practice is still open for hypnotherapy and individual or relationship counselling, including Rekindle the Love workshops.

If you are sick or have come into contact with the Coronavirus at any point, and/or if you have recently been overseas, please stay at home and contact me on 0407 009 050 to reschedule your appointment.

The safety of my clients and wider community is of utmost importance to me, and my home-based clinic is fully compliant with the new social distancing rules and hygiene practices. I have ensured that appointments are staggered so that you and your partner, where appropriate, are the only clients visiting my practice, at any one time.

Video and tele-consult sessions are available for both individuals and couples, including a program for couples to complete a Rekindle the Love workshop, online.

Please contact me for more information.

Coronavirus and social isolation will add to existing pressure points on relationships, so don’t let your marriage become a coronavirus casualty.

Read the article by Hayley Gleeson of the ABC “How to stay married through Coronavirus“.

I thank you for your continued support in these uncertain times and know that together we will get through this.