photograph of a silhouetted couple embracing on the beach


            'Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner, allowing them to know how you feel and to be able to let down your defences.

It is more than physical; it allows you share all the range of emotions that we experience as human beings.’

Intimacy is often expressed in relationships by sexual contact, and lack of sex is often a major cause of dissatisfaction for couples. Many come to counselling complaining that their relationship has lost the ability to be intimate with each other, but therapy discloses that this loss of intimacy, is not just sexual.

Sexual attraction and performance is much more based in the mind than the body. When a couple no longer have good communication, respect for each other or genuinely enjoy each other’s company, sex becomes less and less likely to feature in their relationship.

I am sometimes asked ‘How often is normal for a couple to have sex?’ and I always reply, ‘Whatever is normal for you”. Levels of libido vary from one person to another and inevitably, the partner with the lowest libido controls the frequency of sexual relations. Familiarity, work pressures, the challenges of raising a family, and household responsibilities all conspire to make regular sex amongst many otherwise loving couples, just too tired to get physical.

Embarking on “Sex Everyday For a Month”, a challenge originally issued in 2008 by a Florida preacher to his congregation, and which has been regularly taken up by couples ever since, is one technique that definitely works for some people. Look it up for yourself or talk to me about how this could work for you.

Generally though, to restore or improve the sexual part of your relationship, means working on all those other areas that have been neglected or not addressed. Once underlying issues that have caused frustration and unhappiness have been dealt with, changes in the way you become intimate usually happen naturally, but counselling will also assist you in helping to regain confidence in restoring that part of your relationship, that may have been neglected for months or even years.

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