Conscious Uncoupling

image of hands holding a broken heart


Breaking up with integrity and respect.

Conscious uncoupling is the new buzz word in relationship counselling. It means that a couple elect to work through their break up with respect, generosity and integrity. They value what they shared together and ensure that there is minimal damage to themselves, or their children.

A bad break up is one of the most painful things that you can do. It can be perceived as a sense of failure and can cause depression and anxiety. To make a decision to consciously uncouple, with the help of a therapist, can ease the pain and ensure that you maintain a healthy respectful relationship in the future.

So how do you choose to break up in this way? Firstly, be sure that separation is the only solution to your problem.

  • Are you willing to stay together for the sake of the children in an amicable non -sexual relationship?
  • Have you been through couples counselling?
  • Is the relationship abusive? #


Let’s say you have tried couple counselling and you are not willing to stay in a relationship that doesn’t meet all your needs, for the sake of the children. Then conscious uncoupling should be your choice. Couples who agree to this form of separation:

  • Do not put down the other partner in front of the children or mutual friends/acquaintances
  • Learn to use conflict resolution techniques to solve problems and take no action when emotional
  • Don’t lose connection with each other’s family
  • Put the children’s welfare above their need for revenge or blame
  • Seek individual therapy where needed so they don’t repeat patterns of behaviour
  • Don’t put their lives on hold or get stuck in the blame game
  • Use this a chance to evolve and mature so it becomes a positive change
  • Continue to remember and value the good parts in the relationship


If you would like to know more about conscious uncoupling, please contact me.

Visit this page to read more about ‘after separation’.

If you are in an abusive relationship, it is unlikely that you will be able to uncouple in this manner and you need to look for good support to help you through the decision of separation.

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