The long-term effects for survivors of childhood incestuous abuse
According to Wikipedia (2006) incest is defined as "...sexual activity
between close family members. Although incest is taboo or forbidden
in the majority of current and historical cultures...different cultures
have differing notions of "sexual activity" and close family member".
For the purpose of this paper, incest is defined as an activity that
is regarded as sexual by the perpetrator and that occurs between biological
or marital relatives. It is not necessary for penetration to take place
for sexual abuse to have occurred, as the sexual activity may consist
of inappropriate fondling or exposure of genitals, amongst other activities.
Sexual expressions may be made both overtly and covertly, i.e. by means
of verbal seduction and implied or direct threats.
Incest is also a betrayal of trust, by an adult who is in both a position
of authority and a protector of the child, but who chooses to take
advantage of this position. A child's innocence is destroyed by the
very person that they would have expected to protect them and the effects
on the child are both traumatic and long-lasting. The incest survivor
often also feels betrayed by other adults who may have been involved.
The mother who turned a blind eye to the father's inappropriate acts
or refused to believe her daughter once she found the courage to speak
out, also betrays the survivor at a fundamental level. It is not surprising,
therefore, that difficulty in sustaining relationships and building
trust are legacies carried into adult years.
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"A young child under the age of 12 or so is very vulnerable to the
words and deeds of other people.They have very little choice in what
happens in their lives and are dependant upon others for their well-being." (Markham,
1998, p.2). Thus, they are easy to manipulate by their abuser and be
dismissed by other adults. When a young child decides to disclose to
someone that they have been sexually abused, they often don't have
the words to describe the act or to answer the questions asked because
they don't understand what has happened, only that it feels wrong for
a multitude of reasons. An adult to whom they confide may become uncomfortable,
frustrated by trying to understand what is being said and even dismiss
it as storytelling. This child is likely not to try and disclose again
for a long time, if at all. The abused child learns to keep their secret
for fear of not being believed and by adulthood, has learnt their lesson
well, convinced that they are seriously flawed and that the incest
was their fault.
Incest survivors initially keep their incest secret because the perpetrator
either overtly or covertly threatens them or because they are so ashamed.
They may be told that it is their fault for being too seductive or
that it is okay, because the perpetrator loves them. With this distorted
viewpoint of love and fear of disclosure, the survivor creates an unrealistic
picture of themselves and of others. Their negative self image means
that they may not believe that they are capable of 'normal' love and
if anyone tries to persuade them otherwise, will often believe that
this is because they feel sorry for them or want something in return.
Statistics clearly show that the majority of incest perpetrators are
male and the majority of victim/ survivors are female. Incestuous abuse
may start as early as a few months old and last into adulthood.
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The effects of incest on survivors are many and will
often last for many years into their adults lives. Some of the most common
effects are examined below:
- Self-blame, guilt and vulnerability towards further victimization: "Terrible
damage is often done to the child - and thereby to the future adult-
by deliberate abuse of this kind. The child soon accepts himself
as someone unworthy of better treatment; he begins to believe that
...he truly deserves it. When the child grows into an adult, he will
automatically seek out other people who make him into a victim." (Markham,
1998, p.20).
- Excessive control: Survivors may become control freaks and keep
their lives in fastidious order or need to be the controlling partner
in any relationship in order to manage their high levels of anxiety.
- Shame: One of the first things that an incest survivor may feel
is an overwhelming shame. This can lead to many other problems including
a deep sense of inferiority and inadequacy, a belief that they are
a flawed human being.
- Difficulty in sustaining relationships: Because incest occurs in
a context that includes both emotional and sexual intimacy, a combination
that resembles healthy adult relationships, survivors often lack
skills in sustaining intimate relationships as adults.
- Sexual dysfunctions: Survivors may experience a range of sexual
problems, including decreased sexual desire, increased sexual dysfunction
and a tendency to have multiple short term sexual relationships.
- Flashbacks and intrusive memories: These can be so intrusive into
the survivor's personal life, that they may interfere with their
ability to function on a day to day basis. In addition, they may
experience avoidance of the stimuli associated with the incest and
numbing of ability to experience sensations. In other words, they
have many of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.
- Eating disorders and Substance Abuse: Anorexia may be seen as control,
in one of the only areas left available to the survivor whereas Bulimia
is more overtly self mutilation, an escalating state of self hatred.
However, substance abuse, whether it is drugs, alcohol or food, serves
to numb the pain sufficiently for the survivor to cope with day to
day life.
- Dissociative reactions: This is a psychological defence mechanism
employed to keep traumatic memories from conscious awareness. Due
to the severity of the childhood trauma, 'alters' may develop to
carry the memory and the pain which can remain unknown to the main
personality.
- Self-mutilation: Children who are abused often feel that a major
jolt to their body, by self inflicted pain, can reduce their emotional
pain. Repetitive self injury is not seen as a suicidal gesture but
one aimed at reducing overwhelming emotional pain.
- Depression and anxiety: Survivors often have an inability to self
nurture and statistically have a five times higher life time risk
of major depression, than the rest of the population. Generalised
anxiety disorders and phobias are also more likely to occur in incest
survivors.
- Isolation and loneliness: Sometimes the only way that the survivor
can deal with the pain, is by avoidance of others and thus may become
completely isolated and more vulnerable to any of the afore mentioned
problems.
Some incest survivors may not even remember the abuse happening or
may completely repress it until many years later, when a new period
of stress in their lives may induce flashbacks or memories. In order
to survive, memories were literally pushed from their conscious minds
and in some cases, the child was so young that memories are mostly
pre- visual. The survivor may even question their sanity, as the new
memories may contradict old ones held about their abuser. However,
whether they consciously remember the incest or not, it is obvious
that survivors will probably still experience many after-effects.
Once incest survivors begin to remember the abuse or come to a point
in their lives where they can no longer ignore its effects on their
lives, professional counselling is necessary. There are also specific
support groups which in combination with individual counselling and
client personal growth, will eventually enable the incest survivor
to become a functioning adult, in a world that has allowed the fundamental
betrayal of those who should have nurtured and protected them.
Carole Kelly, 2006.
References:
Incest. (2006) [Online], Available: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest
Markham, Ursula. (1998) Childhood Trauma: Your Questions Answered. Element
Books Ltd: Dorset.
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